To the Child that Smashed My Mailbox…

Saturday morning my Rural Route Carrier called to let us know our mail box was “SMASHED”.. I tried to act like this didn’t affect me.. but it did a little. It sorta tweaked me out a bit.. The Man of course was super calm and acted as though this was something he dealt with on a daily basis. I have NEVER replaced a mailbox, and I don’t think I would even know how.

This side doesn’t look too bad.

Please excuse the photos.. #2 took them.. and didn’t bother to pay attention to the lighting.

I painted this mail box probably 14 years ago.. It’s held up pretty well.

This was in my Mary Englbriet phase..

Here’s the smashed side..

So of course.. we bought a new one.. and I am going to paint it.

Here I am painting the new mailbox… I decided to go with a red sort of poppy flower theme.

Since the box was black.. I painted the design white..

Then covered it with color.

While I painted this I was thinking of all the ways I could get back at the person that hit my mail box.. I could go all CSI on them..

Do you remember the CSI when the guy filled his mailbox with cement and the kids broke their arms when they drove by and hit the box?


I could go all “Taken” on them.. “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. I have a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career of, mailbox painting. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my mailbox go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will tell your parents and I will make you paint my mailbox.


I could be Dr Evil from Austin Powers and shoot them with “frickin’ laser beams, that are mounted to sea bass.

If I were Ricky Bobby, I would buy a new mailbox and put a Fig Newton sticker on it. “This Fig Newton sticker is dangers and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.”